NFL Season Predictions 2018
Post-Football Sundays are the worst. What am I supposed to do with the time I would be falling asleep on the couch in the middle of the 3:00pm game? Talk to people? Mingle? Gross... good thing Football is back this week. As both of my annual readers know, every year I go through and make my record predictions for each team along with a Super Bowl pick. This pick is ALWAYS correct (not counting if there are injuries, retirements, suspensions, inclement weather, wind, etc. of course). I think I made my point. Onward!
AFC North
Steelers
The good news for Steelers fans last season is they finally broke the pattern and did NOT lose to the Patriots in the playoffs. The bad news is this is because they'd have to make it to the Patriots to lose to them. The Steelers have turned being the 2nd best team in the AFC into an art form. It takes skill, patience, and self-destruction at the last minute.
Bengals
Speaking of turning things into an art form, nobody has perfected the one and done playoffs more than the Bengals. I'm not sure if Bengals fans would rather have that or continue on their new trend of having 9 losses every season. The good news for the Bengals is since Lebron left Cleveland (again), the good people of Ohio will likely flock to a team that at least has some exciting players. Like Josh Gordon, or Baker Mayfield or.... oh wait. Never mind. There is no good news.
Ravens
To me the Ravens are one of the easiest teams to predict this year. They will either be average or mediocre. They're like an orange flavored popsicle. Nobody's favorite, but better than not having a popsicle at all.
Browns
What to say about the Browns? Well... the games might be entertaining this season. All kidding aside, I'll say this: they will not be worse than last year. Unless the NFL adds other games they can lose.
Steelers 11-5
Ravens 8-8
Bengals 6-10
Browns 5-11
AFC South
Colts
I'm not sure any team in the NFL has a lesser goal than this years Colts. No one is expecting them to win the Super Bowl, make the playoffs, or even have a winning season. They're only hoping that Luck can play the season without an injury set back. And if you've seen the Colts without Andrew Luck, I think that's a pretty good goal to have.
Titans
For some reason, the Titans feel like the definition of an 8-8 team. I feel like they're one of those teams who'll lose some games they should win, and somehow win some games they should lose. Much like the Lions every year. Unfortunately, it's not usually a good thing if you're being compared to the Lions in pretty much any area.
Jaguars
The Jags should still boast one of (if not the) top defenses in the NFL, but questions loom about the offense. Their championship defense will keep the Jags in most of the games they play this season and they'll just need a few offensive plays to break their way. Unfortunately, their wide receivers seem to be touring Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory, dropping off one by one. They better hope Fournette doesn't fall into a chocolate river.
Texans
Ahh Houston, the great mystery of the NFL. Regardless of what anyone says, no one knows what to expect from this squad. They could just as easily go 10-6 as they could go 6-10. Therefore, I will take the cheating way out and predict 8-8. Whenever someone predicts 8-8, it really means they have no idea and just don't want to look like a fool at the end of the season.
Jaguars 10-6
Texans 8-8
Titans 8-8
Colts 7-9
AFC East
Let's save some time for the next few years: I pick the Patriots to win this division every year Belichick and Brady are together in New England. If the coaches of the other 3 teams in this division had to bet a significant amount of money on the winner, I think they probably would too.
Bills
Behold, the worst team in the NFL! Actually, tied in my rankings, but close enough. It's way too early to say much about Josh Allen of course, so I won't. I will say this: Peterman didn't "win" the starting job. They just didn't feel like throwing their potential future QB to the hungry dogs that are the Ravens, Chargers, and Vikings defenses back to back to back. And don't forget, last season Peterman threw 5 interceptions against the same Chargers defense in a HALF. Yeah... may want to start those 3 in Fantasy Football.
Dolphins
Hey, the (other) worst team in the NFL! The Dolphins are trying a new method in the NFL that not many teams have tried before them: Will trading all of your good players away result in more wins? Hmmm... I'm no professional analyst but...
Jets
#JusticeForMcCown Nothing against Darnold, but him being named the week 1 starter feels an awful lot like a front office that needs to show fans something different fast. Even if it results in less wins. They can say "It's all part of his development". What they really mean is "Don't fire us or you will need to start the development process over". Didn't save jobs in Chicago and it won't save any in New York.
Patriots 12-4
Jets 6-10
Bills 4-12
Dolphins 4-12
AFC West
Royce Freeman is here to ruin everyone's Fantasy season. I'm pretty sure Denver waited to announce he was the starting running back just to screw with everyone. At least, that's what I choose to believe. Either way, Denver is going to be working through the terrible pick of Paxton Lynch for some time, so I don't see them making any noise this season. Maybe next year. They should put that on their logo.
Raiders
No one knows what's going through Gruden's mind. Possibly including himself. He had already made some questionable decisions before he said "Hit the road Mack" and you know, told him not to come back (no more). Two first round picks is a steep price, but first round picks are just an educated guess on who you hope will turn into a superstar. Mack may very well end up being worth more than both of those picks and then some.
Chiefs
Alex Smith was clearly the problem in Kansas City. Now that they've rid themselves of that deadweight, they may finally have a QB with a rating of over 100 rating. Wait... Smith did that last year. And had his best statistical year of all time. And he lead them to 5 consecutive winning seasons. Not to slight Mahomes, but I don't think QB was their main problem.
Chargers
Section for Austin Knobloch: The Good ol' Chargers should excite us as usual with a bunch of close games that they will find some way to lose in the end. Honestly, in my opinion, fans of this team should just cut their losses and become fans of a young up-and-coming team like... oh, I don't know, the Bears maybe.
Section for Non-Austin Knobloch's: Realistically, I do like the Chargers this year. They're pretty solid from top to bottom and have an underrated veteran QB. In the end, I don't think they'll make it all the way, but they should at least be in the thick of the AFC playoffs.
Chargers 11-5
Chiefs 8-8
Broncos 6-10
Raiders 6-10
NFC North
Mediocrity, thy name is the Lions. Better than going 0-16 again I suppose. Or is it? I think I'd rather have a terrible season one year and a good season the next than a bunch of 8-8 seasons. I actually think they'll be the worst team in the NFC North this season. I just don't buy any of their moves as actually making their team better. Which... you know, is what making moves is supposed to do.
Bears
As annoying as this is, I can never trust the Bears to actually do anything. As much as I like them going out and getting Robinson and Mack, I've learned from 25 years of being a Bears fan, that they'll find some way to screw it up. While I do think they'll be decent and a hard opponent for teams, I think they're still a year out from making any real noise. That first game in Lambeau is going to be a reality check for a lot of hyped Bears fans (like myself).
Vikings
Will Captain Kirk be able to guide the USS Minnesota back to the big game? Look, I like the Cousins move, but the only 2 times I can remember a free agent quarterback making a deep playoff run in their first season with a new team are Peyton Manning and Brett Favre. And, yeah... Cousins isn't quite at that level. They're still a solid squad, but playing in one of footballs toughest divisions, check your expectations.
Packers
Contrary to popular belief, the Packers fate does not actually lie in Aaron Rodgers hands. Well, it kind of does because if he gets hurt they're screwed, but that's not really what I meant. What I mean is their fate is really in Mike Pettine's hands. If he can turn that defense around, the Packers have a legit shot to return to promised land. If not... the Falcons will probably run over them in the playoffs yet again.
Packers 12-4
Vikings 11-5
Bears 6-10
Lions 6-10
NFC South
Ahh, the Packer killers. Sorry, but I've become a Falcons fan ever since they blew out Green Bay in the NFC Championship a couple seasons ago. The Falcons are a pretty solid team from top to bottom. They do everything pretty well, but nothing great. Some seasons that will be enough to go all the way. Others, it will get you through about half of the Super Bowl. Sorry, still funny.
Saints
I wonder if Drew Brees is regretting signing a 2 year $50 million dollar deal right about now? A few years ago, that sentence would be ridiculous, but as I believe Brees is still a top 3 QB, the Saints are getting a pretty good deal at $25 million a year. By the way, I think the Saints trading for Bridgewater may end up being the most solid trade of the offseason. Someday, we'll all look back on that one and say the same thing "Caleb was right."
Panthers
No team has perfected the pendulum season trick more than the Panthers. Since 2012, they've gone 7-9, 12-4, 7-8-1, 15-1, 6-10, and 11-5. Unfortunately for Panthers fans, looks like this is the losing record season. They should just tank the off years and get the #1 overall pick every season.
Buccaneers
The Buccaneers are in trouble. Winston seems that he can't stay out of trouble and they can't seem to find a running back worthy of a starting spot. Their defense isn't anything great either. And they play in probably the NFL's toughest division. I'm betting Evans will be throwing the ball to himself by the end of the season.
Saints 12-4
Falcons 10-6
Panthers 9-7
Buccaneers 5-11
NFC East
One of the biggest mysteries of the off season. Mainly because aside from grabbing Smith from the Chiefs, they did... well nothing really. Will Alex Smith prove to be an upgrade over Cousins? A downgrade? A sidegrade? Probably a sidegrade.
Cowboys
Forgive me while I vent for a minute: Why do the Cowboys have 3 Sunday Night Football games this season? At best, I think they'll be middle of the road. To me, the Cowboys are much like the Bears of last year. Inexperienced Quarterback? Check. Solid Running Back? Check. No wide receivers? Check. 4th in a tough division? Check.
Giants
Barkley Hype Train! Not exactly. He'll be exciting, but the Giants had a lot more problems than Running Back last season. That O-line is still suspect and the defense is still lacking, especially in the secondary. At the end of the day, I think they'll get close, but just miss out on a Wild Card spot. I'm sure Eli will give us plenty of Derp faces throughout the season as a consolation prize.
Eagles
Last Season already kind of feels like a blur. I remember Foles playing mediocre at best during the regular season and then somehow leading the squad over the legendary Patriots while taking home the Super Bowl MVP award. What happened? I don't know. I'm assuming Aliens swapped out Foles with some super-species that thinks that the regular season is the preseason. That's the only logical explanation. Slight step back this year for the birds.
Eagles 11-5
Giants 9-7
Redskins 6-10
Cowboys 6-10
NFC West
Big step back for the Seahawks. I think it's safe to say that their Super Bowl window is officially closed. Not that they couldn't win in a few years, but they'll need quite a different roster to pull that off. Maybe a different team actually. Like they could be called the Seattle Super Sonics or something. That's just off the top of my head. That'd be a cool name.
49ers
Fun Fact: Jimmy Garoppolo has never lost an NFL game as a starter. Greatest Quarterback of All Time? Could be. I'm not ruling it out. By the way, you may wonder why I wait so long to post my picks ever year? Jerick McKinnon is why. Every season there's at least one high profile player who gets injured in the preseason. It's sad, but that's how it goes. On a side note, I always seem to draft that player in Fantasy. What are the odds? Well... 50/50 really. Either I do or I don't.
Cardinals
The Cardinals season fully depends on the health of Sam Bradford. Wow. I have typed that sentence for 3 different teams and every time it ends badly. I hope he makes it through, but history is not on Mr. Glass's side. Bradford will likely go down as one of the great "What Could Have Been" Quarterbacks. We'll see what Rosen has in him around week 6.
Rams
The Rams shocked the NFL last year by going from worst to first in spectacular fashion. Good thing too because a crappy team in LA would not necessarily bode well for the NFL's already declining viewership. It also shows how some coaches can completely waste a talented roster with championship potential. The Rams would be smart to go into "Win Now" mode now. Once Goff and Gurley's contracts are up, they're going to have a tough time keeping the band together with Donald's contract.
Rams 10-6
49ers 10-6
Seahawks 7-9
Cardinals 5-11
Super Bowl Prediction:
As much as it pains me to say this as a Bears fan, I think Mike Pettine was the right hire for the Packers DC job and he turns around their defense. This leads me to take the Packers over the Patriots in SB 53.
Enjoy the season all!
